---
title: Initial conditions
genre: verse

id: initial-conditions
toc: "Initial conditions"

project:
    title: Stark Raving
    class: stark
    order: 11
    next:
    - title: Love as God
      link: love-as-god
    - title: Ouroboros of memory
      link: ouroboros_memory
    prev:
    - title: I think it's you (but it's not)
      link: i-think-its-you
    - title: Last Bastion
      link: last-bastion
...

| There is a theory which states the Universe
| if it began with the same initial conditions
| ( [same gravity][] same strong weak nuclear force same
| size and shape ) would unfold in exactly
| the way it has : with the same planets [orbiting suns][]
| same people making same mistakes : like this morning

| ( It's actually past two but I will call it [morning][] )
| while turning on the shower : I as the Universe
| intended ( although I was expecting the heat of suns )
| [had the ice of inner space][] : those pre existing conditions
| before the Big Bang : the shower was almost exactly
| freezing for a split second : every day it's the same :

| [I turn on the tap][] hop in pull the knob have the same
| moment of utter panic then pain then a relaxing morning
| shower where I spend between five to ten ( I'm not sure exactly )
| minutes : I have good thoughts : [this poem about the Universe][]
| for example : I had the idea while I was conditioning
| my hair : it came to me like accidentally looking at the sun :

| the pain and the wonder that something as large as suns
| could appear so small and yet so hot all at the same
| time : so hot in the summer we require air conditioning
| ( although now in the winter it's cold in the morning )
| and I can't wait to hop in the shower that tiny universe
| of water and steam and soap and [body][] : that and only that exactly

| or rather exclusively ( it's hard to get the words exactly
| right : the meanings bleed into each other like the sun's
| shadows on pavement ) ready for me to [dream][] another universe
| into it on top of it again and again until they all look the same :
| I can't tell whether it's my morning or the shower's morning
| or where I put the conditioner or what the initial conditions

| could have been that decided I would misplace my conditioner
| today : and why and how much planning was involved exactly
| that would cause so far down the production line of this morning
| \: me to [wake up so long after the rising][] of the sun
| \: me to stay inside all day even after showering to look at the same
| [computer screen][] : to give up the actual universe to the universe

| in there with its conditions : where [the screen serves][] as sickly sun :
| where there is apparently exactly what I need : no more : the same
| three sites I visited this morning comprising my entire Universe

[same gravity]: the-sea_the-beach.html
[orbiting suns]: big-dipper.html
[morning]: plant.html
[had the ice of inner space]: one-hundred-lines.html
[I turn on the tap]: hard-game.html
[this poem about the Universe]: howtoread.html
[body]: ouroboros_memory.html
[dream]: dream.html
[wake up so long after the rising]: stump.html
[computer screen]: telemarketer.html
[the screen serves]: reports.html