I want to say

I want to say I take it all backI wantI want to take it back I want it none of itto be ever have happened notwhen I saw you step over the ropewhen we went to New York for a weekbut stayed upstate when you punched mehard in the solar plexus in Praguewhen I looked in your face and saw myselflooking back smiling when we went on another tripand another all the trips I want to havestayed home I want to have seen the cloudsdrifting past my car window to have listenedto that sound the bridge makes driving over itwithout thinking of you always it was you

I want

I want to be fresh I want to roll out of bedas though it were my first morning in a new stateI want nothing more than absolution of sinsa negation but there is no way to subtract hereI cannot remove this growth that appearedseemingly overnight I cannot cut you away from myselfI cannot forget what has already and will always have beenI cannot get out of a new bed everNew York will always be as it was when I saw it firstwith you my breathing will always be labored outsideof the cafe I will always see you when I look in a mirrorof someone’s face the reflection of missed thoughts missedwords will cease to give meaning the center will come outof me I will make a new center yes I will drag what isyour center around with me and repeat and repeat againI cannot want cannot want want not